


I Don't Care Anymore

by Billcipher111



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Blood, Blood and Injury, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Being an Idiot, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Crying, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Good Friend, Depressed Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Fire, Gaslighting, Hair Dyeing, Hair-pulling, Hurt Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Past Relationship(s), Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unintentional Emotional Manipulation, suicidal idealization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26205034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Billcipher111/pseuds/Billcipher111
Summary: Roman, after the most recent video, has isolated himself in his room. After 8 Days Roman emerges, on the mists of a mental break. He cuts his hair, burns his clothes, and brakes down crying.The others watch on in confusion and worry as they try and help Roman, but Roman doesn't exactly make it easy for them.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Everyone, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 143





	I Don't Care Anymore

Roman hadn't left his room in a while. He didn't know how long, he hadn't bothered to check. The only thing that alerted him to the passage of time was the occasional nocks on the door. Most likely Patton. He had been trying to talk to Roman and get him to open up ever since the last episode. 

Let's say Roman wasn't _people ready_. It was _humiliating_ to say but once he got to his room after the episode, he just laid down on his bed and _cried_. And that's what he's been doing ever since. Just crying, eating comfort food and watching cartoons and the office, and crying _again_. 

He didn't know _why_ this affected him so badly?

~~**_A lie_**.~~

Why was he _so_ _upset_? 

It wasn't like this was the _first_ time that the rules were _suddenly_ turned around on him leaving him to figure out what he had done wrong and how to fix it. 

~~**_Dark sides are bad!_ ** ~~

~~**_But not Virgil! Don't be mean to him!_ ** ~~

~~**_Don't agree with J-Deceit! He's a dark side what's wrong with you?!_ ** ~~

~~**_Why aren't you agreeing with Deceit? What's wrong with you?_ ** ~~

Every time he _thought_ he learned what he did wrong and he tried to change to _fix it_ , the rules were suddenly changed around _**again**_. 

He was so _tired_ of this. He was just tired in general. 

He feels horrible for making fun of J-... _Deceit's_ name but he felt like it was his one _last desperate hope_ to keep things from changing. But of course. He was _**wrong**_. He was always _wrong_. Always so _wrong_. _Wrong_ about Virgil. _Wrong_ about Deceit. _Wrong_ about **everything**. Why did he _always_ have to be so _wrong_? Why did he _always_ have to be so _wrong_? Was it wrong of him to want to not he wrong **_for once_**? 

He was just so _tired_ and _wrong_ and _**confused**_. He should have been _**used**_ to this by now? _Why_ did it hurt so much? _Why_ did he _**care**_? He _shouldn't_.

Things would be so much _better_ if he could just stop _caring_ about things! It would be **_amazing_**! To just stop _caring_? Caring about every time he and Virgil get into an argument and Patton take _Virgil's_ side _automatically_ without even knowing what the _argument was abou_ t. **_Roman didn't even start all of those arguments!_**

What if he could _**stop** **caring** _about every time the rules were _changed_ without notice leaving him in the _wrong_?

What if he could just _not care?_

He almost _giggled_ at the thought. Scratch that. He _did_ giggle. Then he chuckled. Then full out **_laughed_**. He _laughed_ and _laughed_ and _laughed_. He **_couldn't_ **stop **_laughing_**. It wasn't a _funny_ thought or anything, but he just couldn't _stop_ _laughing_. He was on the verge of _tears_. 

He was crying again. 

He must have looked _crazy_ from and outside perspective. He, alone in his room, sitting on his bed looking like a mess, _balling_ his eyes out while _laughing_ his ass off. He was just _so tired_. And he was ready for this to **_stop_**.

* * *

Virgil flinched from his place on the couch as loud off-beat singing could be heard. The voice, despite them all having nearly identical voices, was clear and recognizable. Wich only confused him further.

> **_"Bruno, what did you tell that man?_ **
> 
> **_He's a clever man, did you know?_ **
> 
> **_I bet he works for the government_ **
> 
> **_And I know you know I know_ **
> 
> **_I can't control thoughts of things I needed_ **
> 
> **_I believe everybody needs some encouragement!"_ **

Roman sang off-key, skipping down the stairs. It was a strange sight for Virgil. It was like seeing Big Foot after looking for a few weeks at a time. The others would surely be freaking out if they were here. Roman hadn't left his room in over a week. Everyone was starting to worry. "R- _roman?"_ He asked hesitantly. 

Roman stopped at the bottom of the stairs at looked at Virgil, a smile plastered onto his face. Something looked... _Off_... "Greetings, Virge!" 

Virgil looked over Roman. A few things stuck out to him. His clothes were _wrinkled_ and lightly _stained_ , which was _highly_ _unusual_ for Roman. His sash was _crumpled_ up slightly and sagging. And his hair was a _mess_ and his eyes had strangely _large bags_ underneath. He also had a _strange_ look on his face. Like his smile was forced too far and there was something in his eyes. _From a distance, he almost looked like Rem-_

"Are you feeling ok?" Virgil asked.

Romans crooked smile stretched slightly as he bounced on his heels, " _IDK_ and _IDC_!" He laughed before heading off into the kitchen. 

Virgil blinked in confusion, _"Wait what?"_ He asked following Roman into the kitchen. 

"I don't know! And I _don't **care**_!" Roman said loudly and excitedly almost _distant_ as he reached up into the cabinet and grabbed the clean coffee pot.

"W-what are you doing?" Virgil asked. He was equally confused as he was concerned. He _really_ didn't know what to do.

"Well! I haven't-" He paused for a moment to think, that being the only time that his strained smile slipped off his face. "How _long_ have I been in my room?" He asked, the smile returning. 

" _Uhhhh_... Like 8 days? Why?" Virgil asked.

"I haven't slept in _8_ days!" He said proudly. 

Virgil sputtered, "W-wa- _Why on earth would you do that, Roman!?"_ Virgil asked.

Roman just smiled and shrugged. "The last episode **fucked** me a bit and I have been doing nothing but _crying_ my eyes out and eating comfort foods and watching tv. But I don't really think I _care_ anymore." He said cheerfully as he watched his coffee brew. 

Virgil just staired at Roman for a moment in shock. It was clear that Roman was going threw some sort of mental break down or _something_ and he _wasn't_ equipped to handle this situation. "Uh, _guys_! I need a little help here!" Virgil shouted, effectively summoning Logan, Patton, and Janus. 

"Virgil, kiddo! What's wrong- _**Roman?!**_ " Patton shrieked in shock once he noticed Roman. He just wanted to run up to Roman and give him a hug but Virgil stopped him.

" _Something_..." Virgil paused to look at Roman who continued to stare at the coffee pot. "Is **_wrong_ **with Roman..." He said.

"What's wrong with him?" Janus asked. Virgil just pointed at him. Letting them all get a good look at him. One by one they all noticed each little thing witch added up to an unhappy little picture. He... _Didn't look good._

"Hey, kiddo?" Roman turned to glance at Patton. "How... _How are you feeling kiddo?"_

Roman laughed, "Fine! I _think_! I don't know! I don't really **_care_** _!_ " He smiled, turning to look back at to look at the coffee. 

Patton looked unsure of what to do and looked at one of the others for help. "What are you doing, Roman?" Logan asked.

Roman hummed in response before he answered, "Have slept since the last episode! Got thirsty! Need the brain _turn on juice_ , you know?" He shrugged, not even looking away from the steadily filling coffee pot.

The others looked at each other, clearly concerned. " _Roman_ ," Janus hesitantly spoke up, " _How are you feeling_?" He repeated the question.

Roman turned to answer but paused when he saw Janus. The smile dropped from his face for only a moment before returning, "Oh! Hello J- _Deceit!"_ He greeted, "Didn't see ya' there! I don't know!" He answered, turning back to his coffee, "I _might_ be fine, _might not_! I don't care!"

"What do you mean, _'you don't care'?_ " Logan asked.

Roman turned to look at them and _beamed_ , a slightly _unhinged_ look in his eyes that concerned and frightened them. " _I don't **care**!_ Isn't it _fabulous_! I have been driving my self _up the wall_ these past few days- **_Hell_**! Past few **_months_ **over things I _shouldn't give a **shit** about!_" He bounced on his heels, "It's gotten to the point where I was to upset to _even sleep_ these past few days! I just watched cartoons and balled threw a few _boxes_ of tissues on repeat for days!"

"And _then_! It was like a realization hit me! Why _should_ I give a shit! Why _should_ I care! I've been doing nothing but _beating my self up_ over _shoulds_ and _shouldn't_ 's! Things I _could have_ done and things _I didn't_! I was **_hurting_ **myself in the process! **_But I don't give a shit anymore!"_ **He shouted excitedly, throwing his arms out like he had come to some great conclusion. "Isn't _that **amazing**!_ I _completely_ and _totally_ don't give _a **shit** anymore!_ I couldn't _care less_ about _anything_! And I've _never_ felt better! I **_think_**!" He giggled. 

The other looked back and forth at each other, contemplating what to do next. But before any of them could speak, the coffee dinged, signaling that it was done. "Ah! _Coffee_!" He exclaimed, grabbing the coffee pitcher and the jug of milk from the fridge and the sugar. Instead of pouring himself a cup of coffee, he preceded to dump some milk and sugar into the coffee pot and sturred it up with a whisk before chugging the coffee from the pot. Not stopping till the pot was empty. 

The others stared on in shock and horror. 

"That was _awful_!" He shouted happily, "I **_hate_ **coffee! Always have!" He giggled. 

Now the room was silent. They were staring at him and he was just bouncing on his heels. "Uh... _Roman_ how about you sit down?" Virgil suggested. "You seem... _Tired_."

Roman shook his head, "Nah! I got t _hings to do!_ " He bounced before sinking out. 

**_"Wait, Ro-"_ **

* * *

Roman rose up into the bathroom. He was ready to do what every person does while going threw a stereo-typical mental break. 

_Cutting his hair._

He started humming as he pulled out the hair clippers and the hair dye. He hummed and sang slightly as he plugged in the clippers and started in on his hair. Cutting it down to give him a nice shaved down undercut. 

> **_"I think it's really_ **
> 
> **_That you should put him there_ **
> 
> **_All we did is kiss_ **
> 
> **_On my grave, I swear_ **
> 
> **_Where did you find his shoes?_ **
> 
> **_A lock of my hair?_ **
> 
> **_All we did is kiss_ **
> 
> **_On my grave, I swear "_ **

Once he finished on his hair, it looked pretty ok, for someone who was _losing_ it, _slowly_ edging it on batshit _crazy_. The back was short, as short as the razer could go. 

Now, the _hair dye_. Roman had _two_ colors. He continued to hum and sing as he dyed most of his hair a nice, slightly brighter cherry coke color. 

> **_"Some dull morning we were wearing sheets_ **   
>  **_And he whispered, "I think that they know better than me."_ **
> 
> **_See this hand that pushed you into the creek?_ **
> 
> **_I'm sorry, 'was just fun, and you were laughing_ **
> 
> **_We were running towards the street_ **
> 
> **_And I wrote my name into the fresh painted yellow line_ **
> 
> **_And you wrote your name right there next to mine "_ **

There was one strip left un-dyed. One strip that was easily hidden behind the rest of his hair. He was silent as he dyed that strip a **_bright toxic green_**. He stayed silent for a minute before bouncing out of the bathroom happily. 

He quickly made his way back into the living room and smiled at the sudden, " _ **Oh dear god**_." Everyone's eyes were on him. 

"Do you like it!" Roman bounced on his heels. 

"What did you _do to your hair?"_ Virgil asked in shock. Roman always _loved_ keeping his hair nice and neat. And _now?_ He **_cut_ **and _**dyed** _his hair. It didn't _look_ bad but there was _no way_ of knowing if Roman would even _like_ this hairstyle once he snaps out of this _mental shit show_!

"Do you not like it?" Roman asked, smile quirking down as he tried to examine his own hair. "Did I cut it uneven?" He asked. 

"It- Uh... It looks _great_ kiddo! _Very even_!... But _why_?" Patton asked.

Roman shrugged, "Felt like it! I don't know! I just felt like a _change_ was in order!" He giggled. Virgil softly grabbed Roman's arm and led him over to the couch. Maybe a nap will help Roman get back into his right head? "What are you doing?" Roman asked, letting Virgil lead him and sit him on the couch.

_"I was thinking we could..._ Watch a movie!" Virgil suggested. 

"Alright!" He accepted this, plopping down on the couch bringing Virgil down with him. Roman relaxed into the couch and immediately started feeling the exhaustion of the last few days start to catch up with him. 

Virgil soothingly rubbed Roman's arm, trying to soothe him enough to sleep. He could clearly see that Roman was tired and he just hoped and prayed that Roman would go back to normal after a good nap then they could talk about everything. He already looked near to passing out. That was until he noticed something with Romans' hair. "What's _that?"_ He asked, reaching up to brush Romans' hair.

"Nothin' " He stifled a yawn, eyes nearly slipping shut as he grabbed Virgil's hand and pushed it away.

Then Janus made a mistake. He reached forward and brushed Romans' hair aside, revealing to everyone Romans' **_bright green_ **strip of hair. _Everyone knows what that color represents._

Roman grabbed Janus' hand tightly and shot up out of the couch, staring daggers at the side. The room was filled with thick tension. Janus then hissed in pain as Roman's grip was tight and starting to hurt. " ** _S-sorry-_** " Janus yelped out, squirming lightly in the tight grasp.

Roman's eyes widened and he immediately dropped Janus' wrist. **_"Sorry!"_** The crooked grin plastered itself back onto his face, "You _startled_ me! Are you ok J- _Deceit?"_ He asked. 

Tension still thick, he nodded. "That's good! But I've got to go!" He quickly sunk out ignoring the protests of the others. 

As soon as he got into his room he could feel himself shaking, but ignored it. He did his best to bounce over to his closet. 

He's _ok_.

He's _fine_!

He _doesn't **care**_

_He was just **startled!**_

_~~He wanted to cry~~ _

He felt _great!_

**_He didn't care!_ **

_~~He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! **He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care! He didn't care!**~~ _

_He was **so tired.**_

But he still had plans. 

He dug into his closet and grabbed every copy of his _princely white_ uniform but one and sunk down into the imagination.

* * *

Remus wasn't expecting the smell of fire. He was sneaking into his _brother's_ side of the imagination after all. He often liked sneaking over to pull pranks on Roman. Seeing the _anger_ and _annoyance_ in his brother's face always brightened his day. 

He decided that this was too good to miss and he had to see what this was. 

To his shock, the fire was just a large fire pit that _Roman_ had started. He was just _standing_ in front of it and every once in a while throwing something into the fire. Something else that also caught him off guard was his **_hair_**. Roman _shaved_ his hair. Roman would _never_ shave his hair. And did he _**dye it?** What the hell?_

"Oh, _RoRo~"_ Remus bounce forwards while calling out in a sing-song voice. _"Wach'ya doin'?"_ He asked.

He wasn't _expecting_ Roman to turn to him with a _smile_ and there was a _twinge_ of something in his eyes that reminded Remus _far too much of what **Remus** sometimes sees in the **mirror**_. Something _unhinged_. "Remus!" He greeted, "Grate timing! Do you want to help me burn some things!" He asked. 

Remus was hesitant but nodded. Something was _wrong_ with Roman. **_Really wrong_**. "So, what are we burning?" Remus asked as he came forwards to his brother's side.

Roman shrugged, the smile never coming off of his face. "Whatever you want." He shrugged, picking up a white set of cloth and throwing it in the fire. 

"What's that?" Remus asked.

Roman shrugged, "Something I _need_ to get _rid of._ "

" _Cryptic_. But whatever. I'm going to throw some fireworks or something." Remus said.

Roman laughed, " _Nice_." 

Remus threw some smaller fireworks in there and let then explode every once in a while while keeping an eye on Roman who was humming and singing quietly.

> **_"We had to dodge a truck_ **
> 
> **_He almost hit a buck_ **
> 
> **_I think we had some luck_ **
> 
> **_And for two bucks_ **
> 
> **_We bought some bread_ **
> 
> **_And fed the grey geese_ **
> 
> **_And the ducks"_ **

Roman didn't... _Look good._ He was looking _paler_ than usual and the bags under his eyes were scary. Like. Virgil on a _bad day_ scary. His hair was also a _large red flag_ , along with the state of his clothes. Roman had always cared about his appearance, he _loved_ his appearance. Not in a _vain_ way. More like how makeup was a hobby for some people. 

It was a hobby for _Roman_ as well. To play with makeup and his appearance to make himself look _extravagant_ or _dramatic_. This was something Roman loved. He never really showed the others in fear of appearing vain. 

Remus might not be _close_ to Roman, but he _knew_ his brother. He _understood_ him. So to see Roman in such a state had him _**unnerved**_. 

As Roman was throwing some of the last pieces of white cloth in the fire, Remus saw a hint of _gold_ that made his heart drop. _**Was that-**_

"So what do you want to do next?" Remus turned to look at Roman, confused. 

_"What?"_

Roman rolled his eyes, smile still plastered on his face. "What do you want to do now! I'm feeling like _fighting_ something. Maybe the dragon witch. We haven't fought in a while! Well! Fought _together_!" He laughed. "Maybe we could go against the Dragon witch together!"

"I'm not too _sure_..." Remus said hesitantly. Roman didn't seem... _Mentally stable_ enough to deal with a battle. "Maybe we should do something else. Im-..." **_Worried_**. "Thinking we should do something else? Maybe _talk?_ We haven't talked in a while either?"

_"Na!"_ Roman shrugged, "We can talk later! _Promise!"_ He grabbed Remus' pinky in his own quickly before letting go. "I'm still going to fight the dragon witch," Roman continued, ignoring the shock painted on his brother's face. "I just need to fight _something_ right now." He added as an afterthought. "Alright, well I gotta go! _See ya!"_ He left before Remus could protest. 

He rose up somewhere else in the imagination and sang softly as he prepared the battle arena. 

> **_"Everyone will come_ **
> 
> **_Everyone will yell_ **
> 
> **_I'd thank you just the same_ **
> 
> **_If you didn't tell_ **
> 
> **_My mother says that I will surely go to hell_ **
> 
> **_Please be a good man_ **
> 
> **_Please say you won't tell_ **
> 
> **_Did you know that that boy is an armed man?_ **
> 
> **_Bearing flowers into hands_ **
> 
> **_Very able to hold me down_ **
> 
> **_And love me more than anyone_ **
> 
> **_Bruno, what happened to your good sense?_ **
> 
> **_I broke down, that man's good_ **
> 
> **_I bet he works for the government"_ **

* * *

The battle arena was quickly set up and the dragon witch was quickly summoned, being a creature of the imagination. 

The fight began almost _immediately_. The dragon witch was at a disadvantage at first because if Roman's sudden change in fighting style. It seemed _looser_ , less _precise_ , and _thought threw_. But she _quickly_ gained the upper hand once she realized that he _had no plan._ What was he planning? A _suicide_ mission? Almost _laughable_. 

The dragon witch was quickly moving to a winning stance as she drew back and slashed forward slicing Roman in the face and knocking him into a wall. **_"Roman!"_** A familiar shout was heard. 

Remus busted in, _finally_ finding Roman, and with a _flick of his wrist,_ dispersed the Dragon Witch back into the imagination. " _Roman_! Are you ok!?" He ran over to his brother who was picking himself up. Remus gasped at Roman's face. There was a large bloody cut on the bridge of his nose, stretching from one eye to the other. "Oh god! Are you ok!" He asked.

"I'm fine, I _think!_ It's whatever!" He chuckled as Remus helped him up. 

"This is not a _laughing matter!_ And that's coming from **_me!_ **What the _fuck_ is wrong with you!" Roman laughed harder, "Your acting _crazier than me!_ What the _heck_ is wrong with you! It's _literally_ starting to scare me! Again, that's coming from **_me!"_ **Roman only laughed harder, bringing himself to _tears_ , clinging onto Remus. He bit his lips harshly as he smiled, practically balling his eyes out at this point. 

Remus just held onto his brother tightly as they both sank down to the ground. His _rotting disgusting heart **broke**_ as he heard his brother quietly repeat. "It's _ok._ I don't _care._ It's _ok._ I don't _care."_

Remus quietly hushed him and summoned some bandages and supplies to clean the cut. Roman calmed down by the time Remus was finished. "Thanks!" He smiled and laughed empty smile plastered on his face. 

"How..." Remus hesitated, _"How are you feeling."_

"Good! _Maybe!_ I don't really care, but it's cool _-_ " He yawned. "It's cool."

"When was the last time you _slept?"_

"8 days?" He rubbed at his eyes.

Remus sighed, that would explain some things. "Alright. Let's get you out of here." Remus said, sinking out and taking Roman with him. They Rose back up in the living room which was relatively empty except for Virgil. 

_"Holly shit- **Roman!"**_ Virgil yelped, throwing himself off the couch and over to Roman. "Oh my _god_! Are you ok! _Where were you?!"_

Roman _quickly_ threw himself off of the ground before Virgil could get to close. "Oh, I'm alright!" Roman announced.

"But you're covered in **_blood!"_**

Roman looked down at himself then smiled, "Don't worry! Its _mine_!"

Virgil just stared at him in bewilderment and shock. Then he sputtered, "That **_does not_** make it ok! That's the _problem!_ "

Roman shrugged, "Its _fine_ , I don't _care_!"

_**"I do!"**_ Virgil yelled.

Roman looked confused, " _Why_? You _shouldn't_. It's not like any of this really _matters_." He said before shrugging and muttering quietly, while still in earshot, _"None of this **really** matters. **I don't care..."**_

Remus and Virgil stared at him for a minute before Virgil spoke up, " _OK_. This is ending. **_Now_**. _Make sure he doesn't leave_. **Guys**!"

The others immediately noticed Roman as they rose up. _Along with the blood._ " _Oh my god!_ Roman are you ok!?" Patton screeched, running over to Roman's side.

"I'm all good Patt!" Roman said, avoiding Patton touching him while trying to back up from the others. It would have been successful if Remus wasn't holding onto his arm, preventing him from running away. " _Tis' but a flesh wound!_ " He joked.

" _Roman_." Logan said firmly, "This is officially an _intervention_. This entire _situation_ has baffled me- us **_all_ **severely And now you've gotten yourself _hurt_. We can not allow this to continue further." 

Roman rolled his eyes. "I'm _fine_. It's _fine_." 

" _No_." Janus began. " _No_. Your _not_. It's **_not_**!"

"What do _you_ know?" Roman hissed bitterly. "I am _fine_. Just _leave me **alone**!"_

"You are _clearly_ not!" Logan insisted. "We are all _severely_ worried about your _mental_ and _physical _health."

_"I am **fine**!"_ Roman lashed out, pulling away from Remus and backing away from the others. _"I'm **better** than fine!"_ He laughed out, practically bouncing, a _crazed_ look in his eye. " _ **Great** actually! **Amazing**! Never **FUCKING** better!"_ He grinned.

" _Roman!"_ Remus finally spoke up, previously not knowing what to say as he watched his brother drive himself into _madness_ , " _Please_ just talk to us! Crazy is _not_ a good look on you!"

"Yeah!" Virgil added, "We just want to _help!"_

“It doesn't _matter_ anymore! As long as _I_ don't care, it won't _hurt anymore!”_ Roman cheered a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Roman, what are you talking about?” Patton practically begged, “What _hurt_? What's _wrong_!? _Please!”_

Roman laughed, “My own **_stupidity_** , my dear padre!” He answered, “ _Because_ , if it wasn't for _that_ then I would have understood the rules and would have _never_ have made any of those mistakes! My own stupidity hurt not only _my self_ , but others as well!”

“What are you _talking_ about!” Virgil asked, “What _rules?_ We don't understand!”

Roman just jumped up onto the coffee table in a dramatic fashion with his forearm draped over his forehead, _“Oh **Roman!** Were sorry but the dark sides are **bad** for Thomas! We cant associate with them anymore! It's for Thomas’ own **safety** ”_ He quoted in an overdramatic fashion,

He then posed as if he was scolding someone _“ **Roman!** Stop being mean to **Anxiety**! He's **helping** Thomas! It doesn't **matter** if he's a dark side! What is your **issue** that the dark sides!”_ His smile quirked downwards slightly.

_**“** **Roman!** Why are you siding with **Deceit!"**_ He yelled, no longer bothering with the posing _"He's **evil** and a **liar**! What's **wrong** with you! Thomas **has** to go to the wedding to be a 'good person'! Why are you siding with a **dark side!** ”_ The smile was gone now and he was starting to sound angrier now. He was cracking.

_**“Roman!** What's **wrong** with you! D- **Janus** is trying to **help** Thomas! Why do you **always** have to have an issue with the **dark sides!”**_ He finished off in anger.

“I'm _trying_!” He screamed, turning to look at all of them, “I'm trying _so hard_ but the moment I think I _finally_ understand what you want from me! The _rules change!_ And **_no one_** tells me! And then I'm left to **mess up** and _panic_ and make my mistakes ** _even worse!_** It _hurts_ so much and I'm _tired_ of hurting others with my ** _incompetence_ **and just I _don't want to **care** anymore!_ If I _didn't care_ this wouldn't _hurt so badly!_ If I _didn't care_ I wouldn't need your approval _so badly!_ So just **_please!”_** He begged, hands tangling into his hair and pulling harshly. **_“Please!_ **_Tell me what you want!_ Whatever it is I'll _do it!_ I'll do ** _anything!_ **Just tell me what _to do!_ I _need_ to know!”

At some point he had sunk down to his knees on the coffee table with erratic breaths, starting off somewhere and his hands pulled harshly at his hair making his scalp bleed. 

He was _so_ _tired_.

He was so _scared_.

He just wanted to _be better._

He wanted to _be what they wanted._

He wanted the hurting to **_stop._**

...

...

...

...

He wished he **_didn't care._**

_why did he care?_

Roman jumped and gasped as he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

He threw himself upright and off of the coffee table. Everyone was staring at him, all somewhat crying. Patton the most who was nearly bawling at this point. " _Ro._.." Virgil's voice broke as he reached out for Roman.

Roman jumped away. He had messed up. _Again_. He wanted to _leave_. His brother had other plans. "Oh _no you don't!"_ Remus grabbed onto Roman as he went to sink out. " _You_ are staying here and were going to have a long talk." He insisted. He tried to be gentle but Remus was never the _softest_ person.

_"No!_ Let me go!" Roman tried to get out but Remus just grabbed ahold of him by his waist, pinning his arms to his side."Let me go! _Let me go!"_ Roman flailed trying to escape. He felt like a trapped animal. So he _acted_ like a trapped animal. He stomped his foot down onto Remus', _not enough to cause serious damage but enough to hurt._ That caused Remus to back up slightly, which was enough room for Roman to flip him forwards and onto the floor. And soon as he had an opening he sunk down to the imagination. And he ran.

It _hurt_. But he ran.

Until his lungs burned.

_Burned_.

**_Burned_**.

_He was burning._

He _felt_ like _he was burning._

_Everything was **burning.**_

_He didn't **want** to be here._

_He didn't want to be **anywhere**._

_He just wanted to be **gone.**_

**_Maybe he should duck out._ **

**_Or let himself fade._ **

_He was **so tired.**_

Everything burned.

* * *

Roman didn't know how he got here, looking down on an old village square from a tall hill. He made this place when he was young. _Before_ the divide in the Dark Side and the light side. Remus had helped him with the blueprints. It was _supposed_ to be a joint project between him and his brother. They were supposed to work together on this and make it there own. It was supposed to be there _first big build together._

And then Roman wasn't allowed to see Remus anymore. He felt scared and alone without his twin so the village sat empty for months. Till Roman got the courage to get out the blueprints.

He still missed Remus at the time, so he incorporated a lot of things that reminded him of his brother into this build. Many of the house's main color was some shade of green, not all identical in color, but enough to match. The village was bordering a massive deep lake that held a Kraken and the town incorporated squid into a majority of its architectural design.

Once he finished it, He showed Patton and Logan.

_They didn't like it._ They worried that it was _too much like Remus_. They _worried_ about him and made sure that he knew that _Remus wast coming back_. They made sure that they _knew_ that Remus was a _dark side_ and he _hurts Thomas._ He told them that he understood. But later that night he cried himself to sleep. And the next day he continued like it never. Never bringing up _Remus_ again. Never coming back _here_ again.

They Changed. _Of course_. People _change_. And they can get better... _Most people_.

But it still _hurt_.

> **_"Did you hear about that mother?_ **
> 
> **_Broke her daughter's legs in two_ **
> 
> **_And said, "It's too dangerous out there to walk, so I had to save you"_ **

He held up his hand.

> **_"I think it's real unfair_ **
> 
> **_That you should put him there_ **
> 
> **_All we did is kiss_ **
> 
> **_On my grave, I swear_ **
> 
> **_Where did you find his shoes?_ **
> 
> **_A lock of my hair?_ **
> 
> **_All we did is kiss_ **
> 
> **_On my grave, I swear"_ **

And with a flick of his wrist, the town was up in flames, burning at everything it touched. He leaned onto a tree that was perched atop the hill and continued to sing softly as the fires grew.

> **_"Everyone will come_ **
> 
> **_Everyone will yell_ **
> 
> **_I'd thank you just the same_ **
> 
> **_If you didn't tell_ **
> 
> **_My mother says that I will surely go to hell_ **
> 
> **_Please be a good man_ **
> 
> **_Please say you won't tell"_ **

He sank down to the ground as sat as he watched the fires devour the small village. He stifled a yawn as the heat grew. He was so _tired_. _Physically_. _Emotionally_. _Mentally_. He was _tired_...

He just wanted to _sleep_. Maybe _forever._

_He was just so tired._

> **_"Bruno, did you know that the Greeks in morning would eat oranges?_ **
> 
> **_They were firm believers in fruit-curing fevers_ **
> 
> **_And I agree_ **
> 
> **_See, they believe that an orange warms the stomach"_ **

So _tired_. 

So... _so tired.._.

_So_...

* * *

When Roman blinked his eyes open, it was dark. The sun had gone down only leaving the moon and the last smoldering embers of the village. 

He didn't know how long he had been asleep, time in the imagination could act weird at times. It could be daytime on Remus side, but twilight on Romans.

Roman didn't feel like he slept long. He still felt tired. Heavy. _Exhausted_.

He just wanted to go back to sleep.

But he just _sat_ there, hugging his knees. Half staring back at the ashes of a long-abandoned village, half in his own world. 

He didn't have the energy to move.

So he just sat in silence. 

After a while, he heard something.

Rustling. And fain voices.

"Are you _sure_ he's this way," a far off voice asked.

"Yeah! I can _feel_ it!" Another voice answered, "He's _somewhere_ around here- _Woah..."_

The voices and footsteps paused as they got closer. They sounded stunned. 

"What _happened_ here?" The first voice asked, shock lingering in there voice. 

"Fire," the other voice said bluntly. "He caught something on fire. Now, where is-"

_"Roman!"_

Roman saw hints of green and purple from the corners of his eyes as the footsteps grew closer. "Roman, are you ok?" Virgil. That was Virgil. He could see him out of the corners of his eyes, but he didn't move. He just sat there, holding his knees, staring forwards. " _Roman_?" Virgil moved, nealing in front of Roman.

Roman didn't look at him or answer him. He just stared straight forwards. "Ro?" Remus' voice could be heard. "Ro? Are you ok? Your acting kinda... Spacy." 

Roman didn't answer. He flinched when he felt a hand on his cheek, "Your cold. Come on, lets get you home," Virgil said. Suddenly Virgil's jacket was draped over him as Virgil picked him up, holding him bridal style. Virgil was _warm_. Virgil's jacket was _warm_. Everything was so _warm_ and he was so tired.

He fell asleep.

* * *

Waking up the second time was more _disorienting_. 

He didn't know where he was and everything felt fuzzy.

Slowly he sat up, ignoring the pains and aches in his body. He looked down to see that Virgil's hoodie was still draped over him. It was comforting. His head snapped up at the sounds of hushed whispers. 

The others were in the kitchen, talking quietly. _Were they talking about him?_ Probably... Were they _mad_ at him? What were they saying? Maybe he should listen in? He was confused. Maybe he should just lay back down and go to sleep. He was _still_ tired. That... would probably be the best option. He could just go back to sleep and not worry about anything. It seemed like a good idea. That was until he made eye contact with Janus and froze. They were just looking at each other until Janus spoke up.

"He's awake."

All conversations _immediately_ stopped and they all turned to look at Roman. Roman felt his heart sink. What were they going to _say_? What were they going to _do_?

_"Roman!"_ Patton screeched, running out of the kitchen and launching himself at the pore unsuspecting side. Roman yelped as Patton jumped on him and pulled him into a fierce hug. "Kiddo we're _so,_ _so, so,_ _sorry!_ We never meant to hurt you! _I'm so sorry_! A-and when you left we got so worried! We had no idea where you went! Oh gosh, we're so _sorry_!" Patton cried into the hug. Roman would have responded. If he could _breathe_. 

" _Patton_ ," Logan said firmly, but there was a fond look in his eyes, "Let him go. You are _strangling_ him."

Patton gasped and let go, finally giving Roman a chance to breathe. "Oh, my goodness! Kiddo I'm so _sorry_! Are you ok! Are you breathing alright! Did I hurt you! Do you need anything! Wh-"

" _Padra_! It's _ok_! I'm _fine_! It's ok! I _promise_!"

"You are most definitely _not_ fine," Janus said cooly, examining his nails. "Not by a long shot. And we are going to have a _looooong_ talk about that."

Roman gulped. _Uh oh._

"Roman, calm down." Virgil said calmly, "I can feel your anxiousness from here. And _you_ ," Virgil turned to Janus, "Cool it with the dramatics, will ya? Nows _not_ the time."

Janus rolled his eyes, " _Fine_ , _fine_. Sorry. My bad."

"But he _is_ right," Logan said, "We do need to have a talk. You are _not_ fine, and because of recent actions, and _most likely_ old actions as well, your mental and emotional health has been _severely_ damaged. And now its lead to you getting physical injuries _and_ , from what I've witnessed so far, you exhibit mild _self-destructive_ tendencies. Wich is _not_ healthy."

Roman just looked away, not meeting anyone in the eyes. "It's _fine_. I should be _used to it_ by now."

" _No_. You _shouldn't_." Remus insists. "That's not healthy."

"But it's _fine_. I've been doing it for _years_. It's nothing new to me..."

"And that's a _problem_!" Virgil insisted, "You should have never gotten _used_ to that in the _first place!_ That isn't! _That isn't healthy!"_

" _Well_ , what _exactly_ do you think we should do about _this_?" Roman asked, huddling in on himself, fiddling with Virgil's hoodie. 

"We're going to _talk_. And then after I suggest you talk to Dr. Piccani," Janus said. "Then we go from there. It's not going to be easy, and it might take a bit of time. But we _will_ help you every step of the way." He reassured.

Roman was quiet for a moment. He wasn't used to this and he didn't _want_ to talk. Not right now. Not yet. He still felt so... _tired_. He didn't think he could go threw the whole process of talking about his problems yet. _But_... "You guys _want_ to talk? You want _me_ to talk to you guys? That's... that's what you _want_?" He asked, looking up at them.

They were silent for a moment before horrified looked painted there expressions. "Roman, sweetie **_n_ _o_ _!_** " Patton said horrified, "You don't have to do _anything_ unless you want to. It doesn't _matter_ what _we want._ "

Roman wanted to argue. Its _always_ mattered. **_Always_**. Their wants were _always_ put above his in almost _every_ situation. Their wants were more _important_. They always _have_ been and always _will_ be. " _Sure_..." Was his quiet response.

" _That_ is another thing that we are going to need to talk about," Logan said, "Sacrificing your own wants in favor of ours in also _extremely_ harmful towards your mental health."

" _Sure_..."

"So, what do you want to do?" Virgil asked.

Roman looked up at him in shock _, "What?"_

"What do _you_ want to do," He repeated, "Do you want to talk or watch a movie or eat something? I don't think I've seen you _eat at all_ today and its like, _3 am?_ So you must be _starving_ ," Virgil said, "Or _hell_ if you want to lay down and just go back to sleep that's good too."

Roman was quiet and bit his lip, _hoping_ the others didn't notice how his eyes watered. " _Could we_... Eat something and watch some movies? I just don't _feel_ like talking right now and _i_ -"

"Its all good, Ro-Ro!" Remus explained, "No need for explanations! Food and tv sounds great right now, doesn't!?" The others nodded in agreement.

"I'll go make some mac-n-cheese! _And_ I'll grab some cookies!" Patton said, jumping up and leaving to the kitchen.

"I will go grab some more pillows and blankets," Logan said, "We must be comfortable if we are going to be _ruining_ our sleeping schedule even further," He laughed softly to himself. 

"What movie you thinking?" Virgil asked, plopping down next to Roman.

"Uhh..." Roman bit his lip slightly, "Frozen 2? _Is that-"_

"Frozen two it is then, grate choice," Janus said, moving to set up the tv.

"I'm going to go grab some _deodorant_!" Remus cheered before vanishing.

Roman couldn't help but relax slightly as he watched the others do their things with the comforting weight of Virgil at his side. And for a minute, he couldn't help but feel a lot better than he has in months. Maybe... just _maybe_... things would be getting a lot better from here on out. And _maybe_ he could live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this. And to anyone who likes this, let me know if you would like a second chapter dealing with the aftermath and Roman's healing process? xoxo!!!


End file.
